A Mentoring Lesson from the Apprentice: Are You Too Big For Your Boss? Are you too big for your boss? Are you about to step into the spotlight of your mentor? This could be dangerous to your job, as shown by what happened to Carolyn Kepcher, who recently found herself at the receiving end of Donald Trump’s famous signature phrase, “You’re Fired.” Viewers of the popular “Apprentice” TV series were shocked by the news of the dismissal of Mr. Trump’s cool blond assistant, who used to sit by his side, helping him decide whom to keep and whom to fire, and who seemed so effective and wise on the screen. But her dismissal is an important lesson in mentoring and boss-employee relationship that everyone should learn. Ms. Kepcher was hired eleven years ago to run the Trump National Golf Club in New York. For the last five prime-time seasons, she sat next to her boss in the television boardroom, helping him decide the fate of the apprentices. Because of her television success, Ms. Kepcher authored a book titled Carolyn 101, and made the rounds of the talk-show circuit. She also started to give speeches around the country, rapidly coming her own brand. Her identity became separate from the Trump company brand she was supposed to be associated with. And suddenly Mr. Trump fired her. The lessons for mentees who work with powerful mentors are: Do not compete with your mentor. You are in the mentoring relationship to learn from your mentor, not to pose a threat to him / her. Be useful to your boss or mentor by contributing your share of ideas and energy, but do not step into your mentor’s spotlight. Be supportive to your boss and your department or organization. Do not create your own separate “brand” that clashes with that of your boss or your organization. Always discuss your plans with your boss and take permission to do whatever projects and activities you want. If you feel it’s time to rise from under the shadow of your boss and go on your own to create and assert your own “brand” then by all means do so, with the full expectation that you might lose your job in the process. Carolyn Kepcher might very well have a great future on her own. She might have felt that she got all what she could from her work relationship with Trump and that it was time for her to move on. The boss or mentor who wants to control and overshadow his mentee for too long even after they become able to fly on their own is not someone worth keeping. Mentoring is not forever. Part of an effective mentoring is a mutual understanding about the appropriate ending of the relationship. © 2006 TGIM newsletter Get the Thank God It's Monday Newsletter Email: Send Page To a Friend

Becoming a Mentor: A Video-Based Workshop with Six Videos that Enable You to Watch Mentoring Done Right! This ready-to-use video workshop reinforces the information available in the Complete Mentoring Program. Although the primary audience will be mentors and mentees, the video will serve as a very useful introduction to acquaint others with the complete mentor role, such as executives, coordinators of programs, supervisors of mentees, and administrative personnel. The video can be shown as a general overview, as well as presented in modules during continuing training seminars in order to study the six dimensions as separate behavioral functions. Specific Value for Mentors As a method of learning, the video specifically: Highlights the key concept and essential mentor behaviors of each separate mentoring dimension Demonstrates the complete mentor role by portraying mentors simulating all six mentoring interpersonal dimensions Illustrates that the complete mentor role is a balanced approach which mentors can learn and apply to developing mentoring relationships Emphasizes both verbal and nonverbal mentor behaviors Communicates the critical point that adult mentoring is an evolving process of active and reflective learning, not just a series of separate, unrelated, or fragmented meetings Creates realistic scenes of mentor-mentee interaction based on principles of adult mentoring advocated in HRD materials Specific Value for Mentees Mentees will be able to share in simulated mentoring experiences by: Observing competent professionals utilizing the specific behavioral skills required of mentors Watching informed mentees responding appropriately to the interpersonal behaviors of effective mentors Seeing mentees performing in the critical role of collaborative partners Integrated Source of Learning To ensure instructional consistency a direct conceptual linkage has been established and maintained among three components: The mentoring terminology/descriptions provided in the HRD printed materials The actual scenes portraying mentor–mentee interpersonal contact The mentoring behavioral codes included in the Participant Workbook of the video The uniform pattern of information ensures that Becoming a Mentor, the Participant Workbook, and all the components of The Complete Mentoring Program can be smoothly and effectively integrated into training workshops, as well as easily accessed by individuals or mentoring pairs who are using these materials to pursue self-directed learning activities. Becoming a Mentor includes Video, Leader’s Guide and one Participant Workbook. Video Details Scene 1: The Relationship Dimension Key Point – Trust Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Empathetic Listening (EL) Open-Ended Questions (OEQ) Descriptive Feedback (DF) Perception Checks (PC) Nonjudgmental Responses (NR)   Communicate sincere interest Express immediate concerns Give observations only Comprehend mentee's feelings Control own emotions Scene 2: The Informative Dimension Key Point – Advice Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Questions about Present (QP) Review of Background (RB) Probing Questions (PQ) Directive Comments (DC)   Learn facts about job/career Develop work-related profile Require concrete answers Present problems/solutions Scene 3: The Facilitative Dimension Key Point – Alternatives Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Hypothetical Questions (HQ) Uncovering of Assumptions (UA) Examining Commitment (EC) Analysis of Reasons (AR)   Expand individual mentee views Provide information/explore experience Provide forum for serious achievement of goals Learn basis for current pursuits Scene 4: The Confrontative Dimension Key Point – Challenge Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Careful Probing (CP) Open Acknowledgement (OA) Verbal Discrepancies (VerD) Selective Behaviors (SB) Attention to Feedback (AF) Comments about Potential (CP)   Assess psychological readiness of mentee Express concerns about offering criticism to mentee Help mentee self-assess goals/actions Discuss likely strategies for change Limit own constructive criticism offered to mentee Reinforce belief in growth Scene 5: The Mentor Model Dimension Key Point – Motivation Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Offering Thoughts/Feelings (OTF) Selecting Belief in Ability (SRE) Confident View of Risk (CVR) Statements about Action (SA)   Help mentees learn by sharing own difficulties Help mentee commit to attainable goals Accept as necessary for pursuing opportunities Encourage direct initiatives Scene 6: The Mentee Vision Dimension Key Point – Initiative Terms for Behavior   Purpose of Mentor Reflections on Present/Future (RPF) Comments about Strategies (CS) Expressions of Confidence (EC) Respect for Capacity (RC) Encouragement about Dreams (ED)   Reflect on career/training/education Clarify perceptions/abilities Analyze decision making Trust in ability to determine personal future Develop talents/seek goals Becoming a Mentor includes six Videos, Leader's Guide and one Participant Workbook / 3-ring binder / Code..HR-BAM / $795.00 Additional workbook/ Code: HR-BAMW/ $39.95 EACH